he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Come on in and take your pants off
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