Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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