Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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