I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
