This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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