R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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