and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
