I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
