Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think a kid would responsible me up
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is Oprah even human
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
