the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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