She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
