If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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