i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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