Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize