I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
