even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
