He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
