i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
