Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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