Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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