Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
