I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
should my penis look like a turkey
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
