You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize