you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
why is half of my head shaved?
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