it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.