I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
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all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.