first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"