Your face is a jimmy john
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?