Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.