Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
