He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not