clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he quoted the bible to break up with me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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