It's just like the Real World with babies
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
