Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
