chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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