Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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