New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
