its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
