The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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