You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize