weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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