i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
