I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I could fuck to npr.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
