if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
