You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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