oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
