Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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