All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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