So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
