It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
