this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
