So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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