ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
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In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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