so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
