I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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