Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
