thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
