Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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