At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
