dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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