Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
These tits shall not be calmed
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
