I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
