I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
