You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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