She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
