Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
