Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
