mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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