I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
