Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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