Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
