I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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