I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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