do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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