ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
