the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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