I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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