Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
